Drs. Barbara and Michael Grossman discuss how you can transfer your relationship from ordeal to adventure by addressing and developing the skills that were not initially developed when you were younger.
So, Dr Barbara, you’d like to say some things…
Well, first, I’d like you to know that what is obvious about what we teach is how to have a great relationship – how to be happy, how to satisfy each other, how to connect, how to resolve conflicts, how to grow and self-expression, how to raise a family together and be partners together in parenting.
Be partners together in life in general.
How do you negotiate your roles so that you feel like partners in life, and you have mutual respect? There are so many aspects of what we teach so that you learn how to work through anything that comes up and feel respected and feel connected.
I want you to know also is that that’s not a complete picture., That’s not all that we’re up to. We’re looking to develop you.
And one thing I know is that in a partnership relationship, a romantic partnership relationship, you are forced to learn to tell the truth and to keep your word. There’s a certain organic ethics environment where you learn that life doesn’t work unless you are honest, unless you’re accountable unless you keep your word.
So that whatever lack of character development, you have in your childhood. You get to face it and clean it up as an adult in partnership.
Further, because you want to work together, you are pushed to develop your competence and do better and better at work, whether it’s your own entrepreneurial effort or it’s a job in an area that represents your values and competence. And as you grow in your self-expression and your competence, you are able to take more care of the people that you care about.
That extends to your partner, extends to your children – if you have them. It can extend to your community. And through what you do – there’s a self – there’s a feedback loop about what you do and how meaningful it is to you. And as you develop in understanding what provides more meaning and value to others, you become more individuated in your personal development and self-expression.
And that’s very enriching.
And there is potential beyond that, to enhance that by connecting the dots and becoming wise and understanding. You know where your values come from, connecting with the meaningfulness of caring for others and extending that to multiple generations of your family and the community.
There’s a way of really pulling your life’s meaning together on multiple levels, all out of your commitment to care – it starts with your partner.
We innocently just teach you how to be open and honest. How to be able to resolve resentments and conflicts. We teach you how to share your wounds from childhood so that the issues that caused you to react, get resolved and comforted. So that you are more rational and healed about your childhood wounds and that you can really open up your heart and expand in your heart.
As well as all of that development, from becoming rational about your feelings.
And so that what we teach you, are skills that promote your good relationship. But it also promotes your deep personal evolution as a human being. And we want all that for you because we need wise people in our society. And we need loving couples who raise their children together. And we need people who know how to resolve conflicts and not walk away.
So all these things that Dr Barbara describes are not designed to be easy, not designed to be quick fixes.
When Barbara works with couples and counseling, she can solve problems for them. And she’s really, really good at that. But her best work is not solving problems for them. It’s in teaching them how to solve problems for themselves.
And every couple can learn these skills, and the skills give you that ability to grow and develop yourself as you’re going through in solving these problems and it’s a process that takes time. And going through different stages of development.
We talk about different stages, growing out of stage two and a teenage kind of stage when you’re just focused on getting your own desires. Going into stage three, where you’re in a situation where you’re about the family and you’re trying to be a part of the family and get the family to be successful.
And then you go into this fourth stage that we call the warrior stage. That you start feeling more like you gotta be individuated and have your own desires. Thes stages take years to go through. And as you go through them, because you’ll deal with more problems over time. But it is a process, and you have to learn these processes – that you’re growing, developing your own integrated spiritual life.
You become a more integrated human being, and that’s the nature of relationship. Romantic relation gives you that opportunity, and we love creating that for couples.
That ability to solve these problems and to naturally grow through life’s processes. So we encourage you to take our class in Falling in Love Forever and learning these skills – 4 two hour classes. And we have some additional classes you can take.
So come and join us for that. I’m sure you will get enormous benefit from it. We look forward to hearing from you…we’d love to hear from you and we look forward to working with you.
Thanks so much. Wishing you love